“Is this yours?” I asked.
“No. Yours now though.”
I put the $5 note in my wallet. Then rubbed my cold hands together. It did nothing. Cold on cold. Not a gram of heat.
The 310 rolled up. Late as usual. I wouldn’t know though I never catch the bus. More of a trains kind of guy. I’m doing something different today. Cause that’s what we badass motherf*ckers do. We do things differently.
So you want to be like us? That’s why you’re here. Good news. Unlike the one I’m on, you don’t need a ticket for this bus. And there’s plenty of seats.
“I’m coming on!” Good. Here’s the rules.
1. Get uncomfortable
You should see the position I’m writing this in. iPad flat on my legs, keyboard over the top, slight clinch in my glutes to keep everything together.
This rule sheet won’t write itself.
A little bit of hunching over is worth it. I know what this means. Badass motherf*ckers like us are comfortable being uncomfortable.
Whether it be exercising the body, or challenging the mind we use discomfort as a compass.
If you’re a “let me put a towel down before I sit on the ground” type operator, turn yourself around. The seats on this bus are made of dirt, by hand. Our hands.
We’ll get there. And we’ve got a few stops to make on the way.
Us badass motherf*ckers know the journey is the goal.
Work on what you want to work on and say hi to the other members. They know what’s up.
If you’re gonna pester the driver to take a shortcut, you can get off and walk.
Badass motherf*ckers only take long cuts.
We’re all gonna make it.
3. Be fast
Need a pit stop? Gotta tinkle? Hurry up. Too much stopping will distract from the journey.
There’s a game we badass motherf*ckers play. It’s called ‘keeping momentum’. And the game never ends.
If you must divert from your mission, make it fast. Keep your momentum at all costs. That shit is hard to get back.
4. Feed yourself first
You’re trying to build a kingdom of your own. We get it. All badass motherf*ckers are the kings of their own kingdom.
But a monarch is no good if they’re hungry. Hungry for food, hungry for love, hungry for meaning.
Before giving your share of food away, satisfy your hunger.
We’re badass motherf*ckers. Not hungry badass motherf*ckers.
5. Ask for help
Badass motherf*ckers are wizards but even our powers don’t yet allow us to freeze time from a distance.
I asked someone to take the cover photo of this rule sheet for me. I bought the coffee with the $5 I found on the ground — 5.5 Take advantage of happenstance.
Remind yourself, anyone who claims they’re self-made is delusional. We’re social creatures. Our best work is done together.
If you need a hand, ask for one.
6. Unexpect the expected
Yeah, I got off the bus.
The bus is temporary, the ride is forever.
Things happen. Weird things happen. Badass motherf*ckers embrace the weird. Weird is good.
7. Be a pyromaniac
What would you do if you had a pet dragon?
You’d probably fly around and burn some stuff right?
Well, good news. Being a badass motherf*cker means you breathe fire. You don’t have to damage anything either.
Don’t waste it on burning pointless things. Use your fire as your fuel. If you’re gonna let it out, spew it all over the ground underneath you. Light a fire under yourself and get back to the work you signed up for.
8. Share your truth
And not by just shouting it from the hilltops. Be specific with your words. Be specific with your mission.
Want something? Ask for it. Ask yourself for it. Ask the universe for it. Already asked for it? Good. Go for it.
Got a problem with someone? Tell them. Tell yourself. Don’t let the monster grow. Slay it whilst it’s a baby.
Pinocchio’s nose grew. Yours won’t but liars get kicked off the bus.
And don’t expect to get back on.
Badass motherf*cker’s know the truth is the best story they’ll ever tell.
9. Do the thing
A badass motherf*cker’s word is their currency. If they say they’ll do something, they do it.
Wanna go all-in on two sevens and two threes? Grab your balls and do it.
And guess what? The cards you have don’t matter. The action does.
10. Drop the thing
Two sevens and two threes is a bad hand if your opponent has a full house.
A badass motherf*cker knows if they choose not to do something, they stand by it as much as if they choose to do it.
The thing which once bought you glory starting to die? Drop it before the illness spreads. Old relationships, reputations, ways of thinking. Dropped.
11. Welcome new members
Already a badass motherf*cker? These rules are old news to you? Good.
There’s plenty of new badass motherf*ckers who will need a hand. If they’re not following rule 5. Reach out and offer one.
Figure 13.2 Suggested sequence for Determining Enforceability of a Financial Statement, a man in front of me was reading a book on finance.
Unless you’re an accountant, you probably care as much about what was in that chapter as I do. But as badass motherf*ckers we realise everyone’s journey is as beautiful and intricate as our own. And we welcome it.
12. Style, always
The decisions of badass motherf*ckers are 0 or 1. Black or white. No in between.
But their work? It’s filled with colour. Like a rainbow in your pocket.
A badass motherf*cker does things with style or not at all. They remix their own style with the best around them. And aren’t afraid to try something new.
Think you can oblige?
Wait, don’t answer that.
Know you can oblige?
Good. You’re a badass motherf*cker.
Welcome to the club. There’s no fancy uniform. No fancy handshake. No anthems. Only actions. A badass motherf*cker recognizes another when they see one. A slight nod and smirk of acknowledgement are sufficient.
Now go and get after it. This cafe has sparkling water on tap. You better believe I am.