I was lucky to have been in love. I still am. It’s impossible to describe.
I like to think I’m head strong but every time I try to use thoughts to control emotion it seems to spiral out of control. I’m getting better at it though.
There isn’t a finish line. It’s a continual journey. That’s what’s fun about it and what sucks about it at the same time.
I like to focus more on the fun part though.
The purpose of life is to live life. Nothing else. There’s no point in me trying to block out one section of my life as if it never happened.
It did. I’m thankful that it did.
The beautiful thing about having your heart shattered to pieces is that you get to reconstruct it in a way that is exactly how you want it.
Letting go of my favourite thing in the world taught me the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned and will ever learn.
That’s what I learned. I need to love myself first. I was a mess, I started crying when making a cup of tea the next morning. I didn’t know what was going on, I tried to control it but I couldn’t.
It’s been 8 months. I’m still in love. Why have I been trying to ignore it for so long?
I’ve come to terms with it now. I can’t control how other people think or feel, I can’t control how I feel either but I have some influence over how I think.
It’s time to stop trying to battle my emotions with thoughts. That’s the cause of all of this pain.
The hardest battle you’ll ever fight is the one against yourself. I realise now that’s a battle you can never truly win. You can only accept the fact that it’s there.
I’m going to stop battling myself. Stop trying to think one thing but feel another.
Holding onto feelings but ignoring them at the same time is not fun.
Everything comes back to the lesson above, love yourself.
Working on relationships with other people is one of my favourite things to do. I get so much value and happiness over spending time interacting and sharing joy with others.
I need to start working on the relationship I have with myself. Accepting me for me, rather than having a constant conflict in my head as for whose right and wrong.
There’s no right way to go about this. That’s scary and exciting. I just know that it has to happen.
I’m now thinking in my head, should I publish this? Do I want the world to know how I’m feeling? I’m doubting myself.
Maybe other people feel the same way, I don’t know.
The fact that I’m scared about hitting the publish button is telling me that I have to. It’s the first step towards truly loving myself.
This is a selfish post but it’s something I needed. I write every day but most of my writings are private. Not this time.